is there a day where i can get into absolutely NO QUARRELS with my family members??
sometimes, its not as though i wanna quarrel.
i mean, who likes to quarrel?
no one.
when i quarreled with you, i felt lousy.
i felt like, why am i still quarreling with you?
and at that point of time, i felt like nobody really cares.
really.
to me, i thought what i said was really NOTHING.
but to you, its like a MAJOR THING.
i dont understand.
i merely said this to you.
" why you so selfish dont wanna help me throw?? "
and seriously, i SWEAR that i meant it as just a passing remark.
it meant NOTHING.
i usually say this to you and nothing happened.
and i do not only say this to you.
its like just a passing remark.
you yourself said this to me before and i obviously knew you didnt mean it.
what i said was like very very casual and i didnt mean anything.
i really didnt mean anything.
but you got all pissed and everything.
you mean i couldnt just say this as a passing remark?
you said this to me many times.
i didnt take it seriously.
i dont even care about it.
and you actually made such a big fuss over this small matter.
telling dad how rude i am.
and when he opposes, you said to him that he doesnt know what exactly is happening to me at home cos he is usually not around.
like HELLO!!
it's not as though i've done something really really wrong that deserve such a remark.
its not as though i went smoking or what.
what did i exactly do to you??
you made everything sound as though i'm like a criminal.
okay fine.
if you think what i said was insulting and rude.
i apologise.
but seriously, i didnt mean ANYTHING.
not a single thing.
if i meant something, i would have the guilty conscience to not argue back.
but apparently, i argued.
and you were unhappy.
at that point of time, i didnt care much.
you said i kept on arguing.
but you kept arguing on my statements too.
you were pissed.
so was i.
and i felt that i was really not in the wrong.
okay.
so maybe now you will say that i ALWAYS think i am right.
like what you said just now.
what makes you think so?
just because i argued back?
just because i denied all these?
let me ask you.
if you have your own reasons for doing certain things.
and you are being wrongly accused.
would you voice out and argue back??
you obviously would.
cos you've done that before not only once but many times.
doesnt that make you someone who always think you're right too??
and if you think that calling you selfish was insulting and rude.
what bout you?
havent you said something like this to me before?
if you call selfish very insulting and rude.
let me tell you.
the words you said to me are not any better.
you said i was a f***-ing person.
you think thats not insulting or rude?
no matter how angry i am, i will never use that word on you.
never.
you find me rude and insulting.
okayy. maybe i was and didnt realise that.
i apologise.
but what bout you?
have you thought bout yourself?
have you thought bout the things you said to me?
seriously, i dont know what on earth were you so pissed about just now.
and you said you dont wanna talk to me.
ok.
if you dont wanna talk to me, it's okayy with me.
but i didnt mean ANYTHING at all.
you might be reading all these.
you might not.
if you have read these, i might have stirred up your emotions.
you might be feeling very pissed now.
but this is apparently the only place i can really vent all my anger at.
frustrating.
is this what all teens must go through?
i've heard of many circumstances like this occuring to many teens before.
and it's happening to me.
but amazingly, when i argued with my sis. i didnt shed any tears.
but when i went to bathe.
my tears all came rushing out.
cleared them all.
listened to the song incomplete and some other chiense songs.
and i started tearing again.
sighhs.
at that time, i really felt like no one gives a damn about what i am doing.
i felt like no one really care.
hiyahhs.
guess i was too sensitive.
but anyways, felt better now.
hope that everything goes well tml.
i still have my faith in you.
